The Brave Girl Blog Navigating Friendship Challenges and Confidence

Summer should be a time of joy and freedom, yet it often brings unique social challenges, especially for our girls.

Many parents have reached out to me this summer seeking advice on supporting their daughters who are navigating social hurdles. These girls are anxious about encountering their ex-best friends at summer gatherings, feel discouraged from participating in activities due to 'Mean Girls' at camp or work, and struggle with feelings of isolation because they aren't in the popular group.

I understand how tough it can be to see your daughter come home in tears with you left wondering, "Why is this happening to my daughter? How can I ease her pain?"

While these situations are undoubtedly challenging, they also provide invaluable opportunities to develop resilience and confidence.

 Validating Experiences and Finding Solutions

As parents, it's crucial to acknowledge and validate your daughter's feelings when she faces social challenges. A simple acknowledgment can go a long...

I want to share a simple yet powerful guideline that can help our daughters become more thoughtful in their daily interactions. This insight, known as the '30-Second Rule,' comes from Ms. Natalie Ringold, a 4th-grade teacher who shares her wisdom on Instagram under the handle @always.upper.elementary. Through a compelling Instagram Reel, Ms. Ringold introduces us to this valuable concept, encouraging kindness and thoughtfulness in everyday moments.

The "30-Second Rule" is a simple yet effective guideline that can greatly improve social interactions: If someone can't change something about themselves in 30 seconds or less, then it's not something that should be pointed out.
For example, if someone has spinach in their teeth or a tag sticking out of their shirt—go ahead and tell them quietly. These are helpful comments because they can quickly rectify the issue. However, critiquing someone’s outfit, their body shape, color or texture of their hair, or any other aspect that...

I hope this message finds you well as the school year winds down. Being a parent can be hard, especially during these demanding months. How are you and your daughter doing? I genuinely want to know!

Parenting a tween or teen can feel like a constant struggle, particularly with the social dynamics they face. If this school year has been tough and you're both feeling drained, you’re not alone. Many parents feel overwhelmed by the drama and emotional turbulence that their daughters endure.

To support you both, I’d like to introduce you to the lessons in the parent section of the "Survive and Thrive in Middle School" course. This resource is designed to help you and your daughter navigate these crucial years confidently.

You and your daughter have the strength to rise above the challenges, and things will get better. With the right tools and resources, the journey can be a bit easier. Here are the topics in the parent section of Survive and Thrive in Middle School that will...

Today, I am thrilled to share something very close to my heart—the launch of our Survive and Thrive in Middle School Course  for both parents and daughters. But before I dive into the details, I'd like to take a moment to tell you a story about how this course came to life.

Last July, I set out to transform the guidance and strategies I’ve shared with middle school girls in my groups into something bigger—a comprehensive course. What started as a simple idea quickly turned into a passionate labor of love. But I'll be honest, this journey hasn't been without its challenges. It also became a personal battle with my own perfectionism and imposter syndrome. Every step of creating this course forced me to confront these challenges, pushing me to grow alongside the very lessons I aimed to teach.

Today, I am excited to introduce Survive and Thrive in Middle School Course designed to empower you and your daughter during a pivotal phase of her life. This course isn't...

This week, a concerned parent shared with me a difficult situation their daughter is experiencing, which may resonate with many of you.

"My daughter was recently informed by two friends that she and her best friend are not included in their prom plans. The reason given was that the group doesn't like her best friend. Out of concern for her friend’s feelings, my daughter has chosen not to share this reason with her. She confessed to feeling deeply hurt by what she considered her closest group of friends. My daughter is conflicted about encouraging her best friend to find someone else to go to prom with and seeing if she could still join the larger group. She’s upset about missing out on the group activities, especially the large group pictures at prom. She’s starting to suspect that the group's issue with her best friend might actually be a pretext for excluding her as well. Seeing her so affected by this situation leaves me unsure about the best way to support her...

It can be so hard for our daughters to navigate through the ending of a friendship.

Recently, a client shared her struggles with the ending of a friendship. This young girl finds herself grappling with a whirlwind of emotions: grief, anger, frustration, and confusion, all while sharing a classroom with someone she once called her best friend (If your daughter is feeling intense emotions but has a hard time naming them, download my Feeling Wheel - (Download now.)

Each day brings challenges for my client, from interpreting sidelong glances to understanding the shifting dynamics of recess alliances. It's as if an invisible line has been drawn in the classroom, dividing former friends and compelling my client to feel she must rally others to her side in a silent battle for companionship.

Similarly, many teens experience the fallout of friendships within their broader social circles, leaving them to navigate the delicate balance of still being in a larger group with someone they are...

This past week has been filled with enriching experiences aimed at fostering a supportive environment for our children and students. I had the privilege of participating in various workshops and presentations emphasizing the importance of nurturing positive relationships and addressing anxiety in our young ones.

I had the honor of attending the SPACE Workshop led by Dr. Eli Lebowitz. This course provided invaluable insights into supporting parents in guiding their anxious children. It reinforced the significance of communication and instilling confidence in our children to navigate life's challenges. I am excited to apply the lessons I learned to the parents and girls that I support.

Next, I was honored to conduct Staff Development Training at Fairview Elementary via Zoom for all their amazing teachers and staff. My presentation focused on "Supporting Positive Friendships in the Classroom." It was heartening to see educators coming together to address the nuances of relational...

One thing you may not know about me is that I love to learn.

I am surprised by my love of learning as I was not an eager student in high school, but today, I am excited to participate in the SPACE Program training with the Yale Child Study Center led by Dr. Eli Lebowitz. SPACE stands for Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions.

As a parent I have supported my child when they have felt anxious and I am sure you have had to support your child through their worry or anxiety as well. It can be so challenging to know what to do and if what you are doing is helping your child or making their anxiety worse.

One key insight from Dr. Eli Lebowitz is that our accommodations as parents can sometimes maintain anxiety rather than reduce it. Children are hardwired to detect threats, while parents are naturally motivated to protect their children. This dynamic can lead to a cycle of accommodation that reinforces anxiety.

The SPACE Program teaches parents how to become more supportive...

I understand firsthand the challenges of supporting our daughters through rejection, friendship drama, and their journey to find their people.

Research indicates that parents often experience their children's emotions deeply, which can be especially true when daughters face friendship challenges. It's exhausting to help your daughter navigate school, friendships, and the complexities of social dynamics. Feeling a mix of anxiety, stress, worry, and heartache is natural when you see your daughter struggling to fit in or find her way.

Research also suggests that parents have a strong instinct to protect their children from harm, including emotional pain. When we witness our daughters grappling with friendship issues, we may feel a strong urge to step in and solve the problem, even though we know it's not always possible. This can lead to feelings of frustration and helplessness.

In moments like these, it's important to remember that you're not alone. Many parents are facing similar...

In our ongoing discussions about fostering healthy friendships for our daughters, let's delve into one of my favorite analogies that I use with girls.

Picture a scale that exists in relationships with your daughter on one side of the scale, and as she interacts with other people, the scale can go up or down or stay balanced based on the energies that are exchanged.

When these scales are in equilibrium, it reflects a mutual and respectful connection. Each girl contributes to the scale, creating a harmonious exchange that builds genuine friendships. However, there are times when the scales become imbalanced, often stemming from one party trying too hard to please.Imagine your daughter enthusiastically adding positive energy to the scale, wanting to contribute to the friendship. However, if the other side takes advantage or perceives this eagerness as a weakness, the scales tip drastically. The pleaser scale drops significantly compared to the more socially popular girl, leaving an...