Many parents ask me for advice on supporting their daughters through the emotional turmoil of friendship troubles.
One common question arises: "Should I contact the girl's parents who are being mean to my daughter?"
I understand how confusing and upsetting it is when our daughter's experience hurt, and as a parent, you are actively seeking ways to support her. It's natural to wonder if reaching out to the parents of the girl causing distress would be beneficial.
With three decades of experience working with children and parents, I've found that reaching out to the other parent often doesn't yield the desired results you, as a parent, are hoping for.
Talking to the parents of the child who is causing issues can be complex and delicate.
Plus, there are different factors to consider before contacting the other parent.
The foremost consideration is whether your daughter desires your assistance and believes contacting the other parents would be constructive.
It's crucial to avoid a...
We all have those moments when our minds seem stuck in a never-ending loop, like a hamster running on a wheel.
Recently, I have found myself on a hamster wheel replaying a problem repeatedly, and I have noticed I am not alone, as many of my coaching clients are also stuck on their own hamster wheels.
That is why I wanted to share with you information about rumination.
Rumination is a term that describes a common pattern of thinking that many of us experience at times. When we are ruminating, we repeatedly focus on a problem, a loss, or a setback without moving forward into taking action.
For parents and teen girls, rumination often involves obsessing about issues, replaying them in your mind, and getting lost in those thoughts. This constant replaying can deepen feelings of anxiety, sadness, or even self-blame. It's like being stuck in a loop where you can't let go of these negative thoughts, which continue to affect your mood and well-being.
It's essential to recognize that,...
Embracing The Magic of Halloween and Growing Up
As we approach the enchanting season of Halloween, I want to take a moment to address a topic that often goes unnoticed but can weigh heavily on our teens and tweens - the bittersweet experience of growing up.
For many of our young girls, Halloween can serve as a poignant reminder of the passage of time and the inevitable shift toward adulthood.
In this blog, we'll explore how to support your teens and tweens as they navigate these complex emotions, acknowledging their sense of loss and offering words of comfort.
Halloween: A Time of Transition
Halloween, with its ghosts, goblins, and ghouls, symbolizes the transition from childhood to adulthood in its own way.
As the years pass, our children often find themselves caught between the excitement of celebrating this magical season and the sense of loss as they grow older.
Here's how you can help your teens and tweens during this emotional journey:
Acknowledging Their Feelings:
Friendships, as beautiful and fulfilling as they can be, are not always smooth sailing. We've all encountered the stormy seas of misunderstandings, conflicts, and the inevitable ups and downs of maintaining meaningful connections.
In 2016-2017, ROX Institute's Girls Index Survey found that a staggering 76% of girls reported that they believe most girls are in competition with each other. This statistic has left a lasting impression on me and evokes a sense of sadness.
This staggering statistic reminds us of a troubling truth. While friendships hold the potential to be incredible sources of support and joy, they can also become tangled webs of competition and misunderstandings, particularly among young girls. It highlights the urgent need to equip ourselves and our daughters with the tools to foster healthier, more collaborative connections.
How can we help our girls become champions of other girls?
Helping girls become champions of other girls involves fostering a culture of...
In the last blog, we began a journey to help our daughters overcome shyness and anxiety in social situations. We explored the beliefs and assumptions that often contribute to these feelings. Today, we're delving deeper and providing strategies to change those anxiety-provoking thoughts.
It's crucial to recognize that our beliefs are not facts; they are merely guesses or hypotheses about how things are.
Here are some questions to help both parents and girls navigate this process:
How do I know for sure that my prediction will come true? Challenge the certainty of your thoughts. Just because you believe something doesn't mean it's guaranteed to happen.
What do my past experiences tell me about the likelihood of my thoughts coming true? Reflect on past situations where you had similar ideas. Were your predictions accurate, or did things...
Parents often ask me how they can help their shy daughters make friends. When I am asked this question, it makes me think of my younger self. One thing you may not know about me is I was a shy girl growing up. I often worried about what other people thought of me and if people would like me.
I understand how challenging it can be to make new friends. During those moments of trying to connect with others, it can feel lonely, and it might seem like it's taking an eternity to form meaningful bonds.
As a parent, I also know that this journey can leave you feeling powerless, wishing that others could see just how special and unique your daughter truly is.
The first step in supporting both our daughters and ourselves is becoming aware of our beliefs and assumptions about ourselves.
Shy teen girls may have various beliefs that contribute to their shyness or social anxiety. These beliefs can be limiting and affect their ability to make friends and engage in social situations.
I was incredibly fortunate to attend a Sting concert and let me tell you, it was absolutely amazing!
Listening to him perform "Message In A Bottle" brought back a flood of memories from my teenage years. Even after all this time, the lyrics still tug at my heartstrings.
The lyrics resonate with me, reminding me of all the girls heading back to school, feeling like they're castaways on lonely islands, but here's the truth: they're not alone in feeling alone. A whole sea of girls are out there, all searching for their place to belong.
Over the past few weeks, I've received numerous messages from parents reaching out for guidance on supporting their daughters during these challenging transitions in school and friendships.
I created an Instagram Reel with tips on this very topic:
1. Create a Safe Home Space: Ensure your home is safe and welcoming, where your daughter feels comfortable sharing her experiences.
2. Manage Your Emotional Reaction: Managing your emotions when she...
As August begins, I can't help but feel the back-to-school blues, even though I'm no longer a student or a school counselor. Now, I'm a parent supporting a high schooler, and it's time to get myself and my son back into the school routine.
Does back-to-school stress you out too?
Thankfully, my son has been working all summer and getting up early, so we aren't too far from our regular school routine. Another relief is that he no longer experiences the anxiety he used to have during elementary school. However, I know that many families and kids struggle with the anxiety that comes with the uncertainty and stress of starting a new school year. In this newsletter, I want to share some tips on how to support your child through the worry and anxiety that often accompanies the beginning of the school year.
I'm also excited to announce an updated course that will be released soon, designed to support middle school girls and their parents, called "Survive and Thrive In Middle School." The...
Hi Brave Parents,
As your daughter navigates the challenges of growing up, it's natural for her to encounter moments of disappointment and unfairness. As a parent, you have the power to provide support and help her overcome these hurdles.
Here are six tips to make the journey easier:
1. Listen and Validate: When your daughter is experiencing disappointment or feelings of unfairness, the first step is to listen to her and validate her feelings. Let her know that you hear her and that her emotions are important.
2. Provide Perspective: Help your daughter put things in perspective by reminding her of all the things she has accomplished and overcome in the past. Encourage her to view setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow.
3. Encourage Positive Self-Talk: Self-talk is a powerful tool for managing emotions. Encourage your daughter to practice positive self-talk by using affirmations such as "I am capable" or "I will overcome this challenge."
4. Help Her Find a Healthy Outlet:...
I recently conducted a poll on Instagram asking my followers if they had ever been rejected by a friend who joined a more popular group. Shockingly, 100% of them had gone through this experience. In The Brave Girl Tribe, this is a common topic among the girls.
Pursuing popularity can be problematic as it often overrides healthy social skills. For teens, popularity is more about social dynamics and seeking power and status, which can lead to fear and aggression among peers.
A study from the University of Virginia found that preteens who were most concerned about being popular tended to act older and more mature and were more likely to engage in unhealthy behaviors. Interestingly, the group of tweens who acted more mature were the more popular kids in middle school but were the least socially successful as young adults.
To help your daughter seek genuine friendships rather than the pull of popularity, ask her what qualities she values in her friends and if her current friends meet...