The Brave Girl Blog Navigating Friendship Challenges and Confidence

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Let me share a bit of my own ADHD journey: In school, I often felt overwhelmed and struggled to focus. Despite having many friends, I frequently felt different and had difficulties managing my emotions. It wasn't until I was 44 years old that I received my ADHD diagnosis. Through my experiences, I've realized there are many women like me, who may have received a late diagnosis or are still searching for answers, wondering why things seem so challenging.

I see more girls receiving an ADHD diagnosis now, but I also hear from those who are struggling in school, trying their best but finding it difficult to pay attention. Some teachers may not recognize these girls' internal struggles, focusing only on external signs of hyperactivity.

If you are one of my friends diagnosed with ADHD, I...

It can be so hard for our daughters to navigate through the ending of a friendship.

Recently, a client shared her struggles with the ending of a friendship. This young girl finds herself grappling with a whirlwind of emotions: grief, anger, frustration, and confusion, all while sharing a classroom with someone she once called her best friend (If your daughter is feeling intense emotions but has a hard time naming them, download my Feeling Wheel - (Download now.)

Each day brings challenges for my client, from interpreting sidelong glances to understanding the shifting dynamics of recess alliances. It's as if an invisible line has been drawn in the classroom, dividing former friends and compelling my client to feel she must rally others to her side in a silent battle for companionship.

Similarly, many teens experience the fallout of friendships within their broader social circles, leaving them to navigate the delicate balance of still being in a larger group with someone they are...

Last week in The Brave Girl Tribe, several girls shared that they had found themselves at a crossroads between the allure of cliques and the warmth of genuine friend groups. While both avenues promise a sense of belonging, the journey within can vary significantly, with cliques often leading to isolation and the yearning for authentic connections.
Cliques: A Cautionary Tale

Here is what you need to remember about Cliques. Cliques are inherently exclusive, creating barriers that are more divisive than unifying. They often foster power imbalances, with a dominant figure dictating the norms and expectations. The cost is steep for girls caught in this web: their authenticity is compromised as they mold themselves to fit in, often at the expense of genuine relationships. However, the facade of stability in a clique is just that—a facade. As dynamics shift, the fallout leaves these girls adrift, confronting the stark reality of their solitude.

One of the girls in The Brave Girl Tribe...

This past week has been filled with enriching experiences aimed at fostering a supportive environment for our children and students. I had the privilege of participating in various workshops and presentations emphasizing the importance of nurturing positive relationships and addressing anxiety in our young ones.

I had the honor of attending the SPACE Workshop led by Dr. Eli Lebowitz. This course provided invaluable insights into supporting parents in guiding their anxious children. It reinforced the significance of communication and instilling confidence in our children to navigate life's challenges. I am excited to apply the lessons I learned to the parents and girls that I support.

Next, I was honored to conduct Staff Development Training at Fairview Elementary via Zoom for all their amazing teachers and staff. My presentation focused on "Supporting Positive Friendships in the Classroom." It was heartening to see educators coming together to address the nuances of relational...

One thing you may not know about me is that I love to learn.

I am surprised by my love of learning as I was not an eager student in high school, but today, I am excited to participate in the SPACE Program training with the Yale Child Study Center led by Dr. Eli Lebowitz. SPACE stands for Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions.

As a parent I have supported my child when they have felt anxious and I am sure you have had to support your child through their worry or anxiety as well. It can be so challenging to know what to do and if what you are doing is helping your child or making their anxiety worse.

One key insight from Dr. Eli Lebowitz is that our accommodations as parents can sometimes maintain anxiety rather than reduce it. Children are hardwired to detect threats, while parents are naturally motivated to protect their children. This dynamic can lead to a cycle of accommodation that reinforces anxiety.

The SPACE Program teaches parents how to become more supportive...

I understand firsthand the challenges of supporting our daughters through rejection, friendship drama, and their journey to find their people.

Research indicates that parents often experience their children's emotions deeply, which can be especially true when daughters face friendship challenges. It's exhausting to help your daughter navigate school, friendships, and the complexities of social dynamics. Feeling a mix of anxiety, stress, worry, and heartache is natural when you see your daughter struggling to fit in or find her way.

Research also suggests that parents have a strong instinct to protect their children from harm, including emotional pain. When we witness our daughters grappling with friendship issues, we may feel a strong urge to step in and solve the problem, even though we know it's not always possible. This can lead to feelings of frustration and helplessness.

In moments like these, it's important to remember that you're not alone. Many parents are facing similar...

In our ongoing discussions about fostering healthy friendships for our daughters, let's delve into one of my favorite analogies that I use with girls.

Picture a scale that exists in relationships with your daughter on one side of the scale, and as she interacts with other people, the scale can go up or down or stay balanced based on the energies that are exchanged.

When these scales are in equilibrium, it reflects a mutual and respectful connection. Each girl contributes to the scale, creating a harmonious exchange that builds genuine friendships. However, there are times when the scales become imbalanced, often stemming from one party trying too hard to please.Imagine your daughter enthusiastically adding positive energy to the scale, wanting to contribute to the friendship. However, if the other side takes advantage or perceives this eagerness as a weakness, the scales tip drastically. The pleaser scale drops significantly compared to the more socially popular girl, leaving an...

As I celebrate another year of life, I find myself reflecting on the past, particularly a poignant memory from my 13th birthday. Turning 13 marked a significant milestone, and I couldn't wait to celebrate with my friends.

On that anticipated day, only one friend was able to attend my sleepover party. The rest were away on a ski trip, leaving me with a mix of embarrassment and hurt. I couldn't help but wonder why I hadn't been a part of that ski trip with them. The disappointment ran deep, and it's a feeling many of us have experienced in our lives.

Friendship disappointments can cut deep, and that experience was no exception. What I've learned as an adult is that we often personalize these situations, making them about ourselves when, in reality, they may not be.

I share this personal story not only as a reflection on my past but to acknowledge the universal struggles that girls face in...

Many parents ask me for advice on supporting their daughters through the emotional turmoil of friendship troubles.

One common question arises: "Should I contact the girl's parents who are being mean to my daughter?"

I understand how confusing and upsetting it is when our daughter's experience hurt, and as a parent, you are actively seeking ways to support her. It's natural to wonder if reaching out to the parents of the girl causing distress would be beneficial.

With three decades of experience working with children and parents, I've found that reaching out to the other parent often doesn't yield the desired results you, as a parent, are hoping for.
Talking to the parents of the child who is causing issues can be complex and delicate.

Plus, there are different factors to consider before contacting the other parent.

The foremost consideration is whether your daughter desires your assistance and believes contacting the other parents would be constructive.

It's crucial to avoid a...

I want to address a poignant question raised by one of my Instagram followers, who expressed concerns about feeling a growing distance between her and her teenage daughter.

It's a challenge many parents face as their children navigate the tumultuous waters of adolescence.

To shed some light on this matter, I turned to Dr. Cam Caswell, an Adolescent Psychologist and Parent Coach, who provides valuable insights into why teens may withdraw from their parents.
Dr. Caswell identifies three key reasons why teens may stop sharing their lives with their parents:

1. Teens Feel a Lack of Active Listening: Teens want to be heard, not just talked at. When parents don't actively listen, it can create a barrier to communication.

2. Feeling Judged: The fear of judgment can be paralyzing for teens. If they sense criticism or disapproval, they may be hesitant to open up.

3. Parental Overreactions: Teens often navigate intense emotions and need a safe space to express themselves. If parents...