ADHD And The Art Of Friendship

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Let me share a bit of my own ADHD journey: In school, I often felt overwhelmed and struggled to focus. Despite having many friends, I frequently felt different and had difficulties managing my emotions. It wasn't until I was 44 years old that I received my ADHD diagnosis. Through my experiences, I've realized there are many women like me, who may have received a late diagnosis or are still searching for answers, wondering why things seem so challenging.

I see more girls receiving an ADHD diagnosis now, but I also hear from those who are struggling in school, trying their best but finding it difficult to pay attention. Some teachers may not recognize these girls' internal struggles, focusing only on external signs of hyperactivity.

If you are one of my friends diagnosed with ADHD, I want you to know that I see you and understand how hard you are trying.

If you have been struggling and wondering if you might have ADHD, I hope this newsletter inspires you to explore this further. If you want to learn more about ADHD in Women and Girls, click here.

Personally, my diagnosis helped me understand myself better, learn strategies to support my weaknesses, and, most importantly, practice self-compassion.

Being a girl with ADHD comes with a unique set of challenges, influenced by societal expectations, the nature of ADHD symptoms, and the often overlooked or misunderstood aspects of the condition in females.

Here's why it can be particularly hard:

1. Underdiagnosis and Misdiagnosis:
Girls with ADHD often go undiagnosed or are diagnosed later in life compared to boys (I wasn't diagnosed until age 44). This is because their symptoms can manifest differently. Instead of the hyperactive behavior commonly seen in boys, girls are more likely to display inattentiveness or internalized symptoms, such as daydreaming, being withdrawn, or showing emotional sensitivity. These signs can be mistaken for shyness, anxiety, or laziness, leading to a lack of appropriate support and intervention.

2. Social Expectations:
Society tends to have specific expectations for girls regarding behavior, academic achievement, and social interactions. Girls with ADHD, who may struggle with impulsivity, organization, and maintaining focus, often find it challenging to meet these expectations. They might feel constant pressure to conform, leading to stress, anxiety, and a diminished sense of self-worth.

3. Social Relationships and Friendships:
Managing friendships and social relationships can be particularly challenging for girls with ADHD. They may have difficulty with social cues, interrupting others without realizing it or misreading social situations. This can lead to misunderstandings, feeling left out, or struggling to form close friendships, exacerbating feelings of isolation or rejection.

4. Emotional Sensitivity and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD):
Many girls with ADHD experience heightened emotional sensitivity and may have Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, a condition where perceived rejection or criticism leads to intense emotional pain. This sensitivity can make social interactions and relationships even more challenging, as they might overly internalize and react to negative feedback or social setbacks.

5. Academic Challenges:
The traditional school environment, with its emphasis on organization, long periods of focus, and a one-size-fits-all approach to learning, often does not cater to the strengths of girls with ADHD. Despite their intelligence and creativity, these girls may struggle academically, leading to frustration, a lack of confidence in their abilities, and a false perception of their potential.

6. Self-Esteem and Mental Health:
The cumulative effect of these challenges can significantly impact self-esteem and mental health. Girls with ADHD are at a higher risk for depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem due to the constant struggle with undiagnosed symptoms, academic challenges, and social issues.

7. Overlooked Strengths:
Focusing on the difficulties can overlook the strengths and unique abilities of girls with ADHD. They often possess remarkable creativity, empathy, problem-solving skills, and the ability to think outside the box. Yet, these talents may be overshadowed by the challenges they face, preventing girls from fully realizing and embracing their potential.

To all my Brave Friends managing ADHD,  we have created a special poster that highlights your extraordinary abilities. It’s a little reminder of the incredible strengths that accompany ADHD. Download your complimentary copy or share it with someone special to celebrate the unique gifts and talents they possess.

Download ADHD Superpower Poster 

Friendship Tips for Girls with ADHD

Navigating friendships can be a complex journey, especially when you're managing ADHD. Here are some strategies to help you forge strong, lasting connections:

1. Be Mindful of Your Social Interactions:
Reflect on your social habits and consider how they affect your friendships. Awareness is the first step towards positive change in how you relate to others.

2. Practice Active Listening:
Truly listen to what others are saying, showing genuine interest and understanding. You can paraphrase their words to confirm your understanding. This approach ensures you’re fully engaged and value the speaker's perspective.

3. Avoid Interrupting:
Monitor your impulse to interrupt. If you feel the urge, try a subtle physical reminder, like taking a sip of water or gently tapping your fingers. Should an interruption slip through, kindly apologize and encourage your friend to continue their story.

4. Stay on Topic:
Think of a conversation as a dance that matches the music. Stick to the topic at hand, adapting as the "song" changes but avoiding abrupt shifts that can disrupt the flow.

5. Nurture Your Friendships:
Show appreciation for your friends. Simple gestures, such as sending a thoughtful text or reminding yourself to check in, can strengthen your bonds.

6. Open Up About ADHD:
If you feel comfortable, sharing that you have ADHD can help friends understand your unique challenges, including moments when focusing might be difficult for you.

7. Follow Through on Commitments:
Reliability builds trust. Use tools and strategies to manage your time effectively, ensuring you keep promises and arrive on time for plans.

8. Set Boundaries:
It’s okay to say no when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Setting healthy boundaries is crucial, particularly during busy times like the end of the school year, to manage stress and maintain well-being.

9. Embrace Self-Care:
Prioritize sufficient sleep and be mindful of negative thought patterns, especially those that may arise from rejection sensitivity. Recognize when emotions are clouding your judgment and take steps to address them, ensuring they don’t adversely impact your relationships.

10. Tech-Savvy Friendships:
Transform your phone into a friendship ally. Use your notes app to create a 'New Friends' directory. Just met someone? Add their name, a couple of interests, and where you met to your people files. It’s a simple digital reminder that enriches conversations and friendships.

By incorporating these tips, you can navigate the complexities of friendships with confidence and grace, building connections that support and enrich your life.

 Unlock the Power of Self-Reflection: My Self-Coaching Workshop Course

As we explore the complexities of friendship, it’s crucial to acknowledge the challenges that can arise, especially for girls with ADHD. Emotions, at times, can feel overwhelming, and navigating social interactions may be difficult, particularly due to Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) commonly experienced by those with ADHD.

My Self Coaching Workshop Course offers a valuable tool to navigate these emotional challenges. It provides a structured approach, known as the STEAR method, designed to guide parents and daughters through the complexities of emotions and relationships.

Introducing the STEAR Method:

The STEAR method explores—Situations, Thoughts, Emotions, Actions, and Results—and helps individuals identify the factors contributing to their emotional responses. It enables them to:

Identify and Understand: Recognize the situation causing distress and the thought patterns influencing their emotional responses.

Reflect and Reframe: Understand how thoughts impact emotions, which in turn affect actions and outcomes.

Empower and Evolve: Develop the ability to evaluate feelings and consider alternative perspectives and actions to help them move forward.

For Parents and Daughters Alike:

This workshop is a practical resource for parents supporting their daughters. It equips them with strategies to navigate challenging emotions and events together. This course is for everyone, but I have found this tool to be very helpful for my girls with ADHD, as it fosters resilience, emotional intelligence, and a sense of control over their emotions.

The Self Coaching Workshop Course is a transformative journey, whether as a gift or for personal growth. Join me and learn to navigate life's challenges with confidence and clarity using the STEAR method. This course is a valuable resource for girls of all ages, with younger participants benefiting from the supportive guidance of a parent or guardian.

Click here to purchase The Self Coaching Workshop Course for you and your daughter.

or

Click here to purchase this course as a gift to give to your granddaughter, niece, or friend.

*Brave Girl Tribe Members- remember that this is included in your Membership and accessible on the Brave Girl Tribe Dashboard.*

Unlock the power of self-coaching and take control of your emotional well-being.

Warmly,

Laura Hayes
Founder of The Brave Girl Project
Life Coach for Tween & Teen Girls
www.TheBraveGirlProject.com
[email protected]
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