The Brave Girl Blog Navigating Friendship Challenges and Confidence

Life can throw a lot at us. For parents, the mix includes juggling work, managing the home, and being there emotionally for our kids as they tackle their own challenges.

Our tween and teen girls are navigating the tricky waters of school life, dealing with the pressures of friendships and the constant comparisons that come with growing up.

Amidst all this, a common thread weaves through our experiences—the inner critic.

The Inner Critic is the voice that whispers doubts and insecurities, making you feel inadequate and fearful of failure.

It might tell you:

"No one likes you!"
"Why bother trying out for the team when you're not that skilled?"
"That test score was just a fluke."
"This outfit isn’t working. Why did you think it would?"
"You're just not smart enough!"
"You’re too annoying to be likable."
"You're dull; do you ever do anything exciting?"

Everyone has an inner critic, a negative voice, or what some call a self-saboteur. It acts like a frightened...

One thing you may not know about me is that I love to learn.

I am surprised by my love of learning as I was not an eager student in high school, but today, I am excited to participate in the SPACE Program training with the Yale Child Study Center led by Dr. Eli Lebowitz. SPACE stands for Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions.

As a parent I have supported my child when they have felt anxious and I am sure you have had to support your child through their worry or anxiety as well. It can be so challenging to know what to do and if what you are doing is helping your child or making their anxiety worse.

One key insight from Dr. Eli Lebowitz is that our accommodations as parents can sometimes maintain anxiety rather than reduce it. Children are hardwired to detect threats, while parents are naturally motivated to protect their children. This dynamic can lead to a cycle of accommodation that reinforces anxiety.

The SPACE Program teaches parents how to become more supportive...

We all have those moments when our minds seem stuck in a never-ending loop, like a hamster running on a wheel.

Recently, I have found myself on a hamster wheel replaying a problem repeatedly, and I have noticed I am not alone, as many of my coaching clients are also stuck on their own hamster wheels.

That is why I wanted to share with you information about rumination.

Rumination is a term that describes a common pattern of thinking that many of us experience at times. When we are ruminating, we repeatedly focus on a problem, a loss, or a setback without moving forward into taking action.

For parents and teen girls, rumination often involves obsessing about issues, replaying them in your mind, and getting lost in those thoughts. This constant replaying can deepen feelings of anxiety, sadness, or even self-blame. It's like being stuck in a loop where you can't let go of these negative thoughts, which continue to affect your mood and well-being.

It's essential to recognize that,...

Friendships, as beautiful and fulfilling as they can be, are not always smooth sailing. We've all encountered the stormy seas of misunderstandings, conflicts, and the inevitable ups and downs of maintaining meaningful connections.

In 2016-2017, ROX Institute's Girls Index Survey found that a staggering 76% of girls reported that they believe most girls are in competition with each other. This statistic has left a lasting impression on me and evokes a sense of sadness.

This staggering statistic reminds us of a troubling truth. While friendships hold the potential to be incredible sources of support and joy, they can also become tangled webs of competition and misunderstandings, particularly among young girls. It highlights the urgent need to equip ourselves and our daughters with the tools to foster healthier, more collaborative connections.

How can we help our girls become champions of other girls?

Helping girls become champions of other girls involves fostering a culture of...

In the last blog, we began a journey to help our daughters overcome shyness and anxiety in social situations. We explored the beliefs and assumptions that often contribute to these feelings. Today, we're delving deeper and providing strategies to change those anxiety-provoking thoughts.

Questions For Changing Anxiety-Provoking Thoughts
Examining the evidence is one of the most powerful tools in combatting anxiety-provoking thoughts.

It's crucial to recognize that our beliefs are not facts; they are merely guesses or hypotheses about how things are.

Here are some questions to help both parents and girls navigate this process:

How do I know for sure that my prediction will come true? Challenge the certainty of your thoughts. Just because you believe something doesn't mean it's guaranteed to happen.

What do my past experiences tell me about the likelihood of my thoughts coming true? Reflect on past situations where you had similar ideas. Were your predictions accurate, or did things...

Parents often ask me how they can help their shy daughters make friends. When I am asked this question, it makes me think of my younger self. One thing you may not know about me is I was a shy girl growing up. I often worried about what other people thought of me and if people would like me.

I understand how challenging it can be to make new friends. During those moments of trying to connect with others, it can feel lonely, and it might seem like it's taking an eternity to form meaningful bonds.

As a parent, I also know that this journey can leave you feeling powerless, wishing that others could see just how special and unique your daughter truly is.

The first step in supporting both our daughters and ourselves is becoming aware of our beliefs and assumptions about ourselves.

Shy teen girls may have various beliefs that contribute to their shyness or social anxiety. These beliefs can be limiting and affect their ability to make friends and engage in social situations. 

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 I was incredibly fortunate to attend a Sting concert and let me tell you, it was absolutely amazing!

Listening to him perform "Message In A Bottle" brought back a flood of memories from my teenage years. Even after all this time, the lyrics still tug at my heartstrings.

The lyrics resonate with me, reminding me of all the girls heading back to school, feeling like they're castaways on lonely islands, but here's the truth: they're not alone in feeling alone. A whole sea of girls are out there, all searching for their place to belong.

Over the past few weeks, I've received numerous messages from parents reaching out for guidance on supporting their daughters during these challenging transitions in school and friendships.

 I created an Instagram Reel with tips on this very topic:

1. Create a Safe Home Space: Ensure your home is safe and welcoming, where your daughter feels comfortable sharing her experiences.

2. Manage Your Emotional Reaction: Managing your emotions when she...

This past Friday night, I attended our local high school's first football game of the season. It was heartwarming to witness the high schoolers hanging out with their friends; the palpable excitement and butterflies in the air were infectious. Admittedly, I observed their social dynamics more than the game itself – though I know that our team emerged victorious!

As I watched these interactions, I couldn't help but wonder about the inner thoughts of these teens following their moments with friends. Sometimes, body language can be a revealing storyteller, hinting at those instances where Automatic Negative Thoughts might have crept in after their interactions.

Stepping into a brand-new school year, the whirlwind of change and the rapid shifts in our surroundings can sometimes trigger automatic negative thoughts.

In this Blog, we're on a mission to unpack some of these typical thinking patterns that we might come across. Getting a handle on these patterns can give us the...

"Remember, You are bigger than your anxiety!"

As the new school year dawns, it's natural to feel a whirlwind of excitement, nervousness, and perhaps a touch of anxiety. But guess what? You are not alone in this journey, and you are stronger than you think.

Embracing change, like starting a new school year, can be overwhelming, especially with thoughts of shifting friendships, unfamiliar teachers, and the maze of multiple classes. But fret not because I am here to guide you through these challenges and help you rediscover your inner strength.

1. Embrace Change as Growth:
Change can be intimidating, but it's also an opportunity for growth. Just like a butterfly emerges from its cocoon, you have the power to transform and adapt. New school years bring chances to meet new people, learn exciting things, and discover aspects of yourself you never knew existed. Embrace the unknown with an open heart, and you'll find that even the most daunting situations can become rewarding...

Starting a new school year can be exciting but can also bring challenges, especially for children without close friends in their classes.

Understanding the Emotional Impact:
When a child realizes they're not in class with their close friends, it can trigger strong emotions like sadness, worry, and even anger. Acknowledging and understanding these emotions is crucial for parents. Start by recognizing the significance of the situation and how it might affect your child emotionally. Remember, your child's feelings are valid, and creating a safe space to express themselves without judgment is essential.

7 Tips for Parents

Manage Your Own Emotions:
Parents play a vital role in helping their children cope with these feelings. Begin by managing your own emotions, expectations, and fears. If you've requested specific classmates for your child and the request wasn't met, it's natural to feel upset. However, remaining calm and centered is essential for supporting your child effectively.

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