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Why Can't My Shy Daughter Make Friends In School?

Parents often ask me how they can help their shy daughters make friends. When I am asked this question, it makes me think of my younger self. One thing you may not know about me is I was a shy girl growing up. I often worried about what other people thought of me and if people would like me.

I understand how challenging it can be to make new friends. During those moments of trying to connect with others, it can feel lonely, and it might seem like it's taking an eternity to form meaningful bonds.

As a parent, I also know that this journey can leave you feeling powerless, wishing that others could see just how special and unique your daughter truly is.

The first step in supporting both our daughters and ourselves is becoming aware of our beliefs and assumptions about ourselves.

Shy teen girls may have various beliefs that contribute to their shyness or social anxiety. These beliefs can be limiting and affect their ability to make friends and engage in social situations. 

Here are some common beliefs that shy teen girls might hold:

"I'm not good enough." Shy teens often struggle with feelings of inadequacy, believing that they are not as interesting, talented, or attractive as their peers.

"People are judging me." Shy teens may believe that others are constantly evaluating and criticizing them, leading to self-consciousness in social settings.

"I'll embarrass myself." Fear of making mistakes or appearing foolish can hinder shy teens from participating in conversations and activities.

"Nobody likes me." Shy teens may perceive themselves as unpopular or believe that others do not want to be their friends.

"I have to be perfect." Some shy teens place unrealistic expectations on themselves to be flawless in social situations, which can lead to anxiety and self-doubt.

"I can't handle rejection." Shy teens may fear rejection so much that they avoid social interactions to prevent the possibility of being turned down.

"I'm different from everyone else." Shy teens might feel like outsiders, thinking that their interests, appearance, or personality are unique in a negative way.

"I'll say something stupid." The fear of saying the wrong thing or not knowing what to say in conversations can be a significant source of anxiety for shy teens.

"I'll be the center of attention." Some shy teens dread being the focus of a group's attention, as it can trigger anxiety and self-consciousness.

"People won't understand me." Shy teens might believe that others won't relate to their thoughts, feelings, or experiences, leading to feelings of isolation.

"I should always be quiet." Shy teens may feel that it's best to remain quiet and not express their opinions or feelings in social situations.

"I'm not interesting." Shy teens may underestimate their own value and believe that they lack interesting qualities or stories to share.

"I must be liked by everyone." Shy teens might believe that they need to be universally liked, which can lead to people-pleasing behaviors and an aversion to conflict

 What beliefs influence your daughter?

It's important to remind our daughters that our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves aren't always accurate. In my next blog, we will guide our daughters in exploring various methods to challenge their anxiety-inducing thoughts and ideas.


Laura Hayes

Founder of The Brave Girl Project
Life Coach to Tween & Teen Girls
[email protected]
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