Parenting Teens: Why Your Relationship Still Matters

As I prepare to watch my son graduate from high school (wait - how did the time go by so quickly!)  and step into a new chapter of his life, I’ve been reflecting on the evolving relationship between parents and teens.

Recently, I listened to Lisa Damour’s latest podcast episode, "How to Stay Connected When Teens Pull Away," featuring Dr. Gordon Neufeld and Dr. Gabor Maté. This episode resonated deeply with me, and I wanted to share some key takeaways with you as I know we all want to stay connected with our teens.

You can click below to watch the podcast episode on YouTube.

Here’s what really stuck with me:

🔹 Sometimes we get so focused on directing our kids that we forget to connect with them first. If you’re like me, you might notice that you speak more kindly to a friend than you do to your teen — not out of meanness, but because we’re rushing, tired, or trying to get them to “do the right thing.” But teens don’t want to be managed — they want to be understood. A gentle reminder to “collect them before we direct them” has helped me slow down and lead with warmth.

🔹 Taking away what matters to them — their phone, their friends, their freedom — might feel like the quickest way to correct behavior. But sometimes that does more harm than good. It can break trust and make them feel like we’re not on their side. Discipline doesn’t have to come at the cost of connection.

🔹 Helicopter parenting is often about our anxiety, not their needs. Oof. That one hit me hard. Wanting the best for our kids is natural. But sometimes hovering or micromanaging sends the message: “I don’t trust you to handle this.” What our kids really need to hear is, “I’m here for you, exactly as you are.”

After listening to the podcast episode with Dr. Gordon Neufeld and Dr. Gabor Maté, I felt so inspired that I immediately ordered their book, Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. Just hearing them speak was a powerful reminder of how much our connection still matters — even when our teens are pulling away — and how easy it is to lose sight of that in the chaos of daily life.

I’m just starting the book, but if you’ve read it — or decide to — let me know! I’d love to hear your thoughts or even plan a casual book chat once I’m further in.

So if your teen is pulling away, don’t panic. Stay curious. Keep showing up. Let them know, in quiet but consistent ways:
“You matter to me. I see you. I’m here.”

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission if you purchase through them—at no extra cost to you. I only share resources I truly believe in and think will be helpful to you and your daughter.

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Founder of The Brave Girl Project
Life Coach for Tween & Teen Girls
www.TheBraveGirlProject.com
[email protected]