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Should I contact the girl's parents who are being mean to my daughter?

Many parents ask me for advice on supporting their daughters through the emotional turmoil of friendship troubles.

One common question arises: "Should I contact the girl's parents who are being mean to my daughter?"

I understand how confusing and upsetting it is when our daughter's experience hurt, and as a parent, you are actively seeking ways to support her. It's natural to wonder if reaching out to the parents of the girl causing distress would be beneficial.

With three decades of experience working with children and parents, I've found that reaching out to the other parent often doesn't yield the desired results you, as a parent, are hoping for.
Talking to the parents of the child who is causing issues can be complex and delicate.

Plus, there are different factors to consider before contacting the other parent.

The foremost consideration is whether your daughter desires your assistance and believes contacting the other parents would be constructive.

It's crucial to avoid a situation where a well-intentioned intervention leads to unintended consequences. Picture this: your daughter, already distressed by a conflict, is confronted by an angry peer at school whose mother was contacted by you.

This will impact what your daughter shares with you in the future.
Here are several reasons I advise against contacting the other parents.
1. Defensiveness and Denial:
When a parent is approached with complaints about their child's behavior, their natural instinct might be to become defensive or in denial. They may not readily accept that their child is responsible for the problems, which can lead to arguments and further tension.

2. Escalation of Conflict: In some cases, addressing the issue with the other parents can escalate the conflict. It may lead to a back-and-forth blame game, making it difficult to resolve and potentially worsening the relationship between the children involved.

3. Miscommunication: Miscommunication or misunderstandings can occur when conveying concerns to another parent. Messages can be misinterpreted, leading to unintended consequences and further straining the relationship between the families and the girls.

4. Privacy and Stigma: Some families may prefer to keep their personal matters private and might be uncomfortable with others discussing their child's behavior with them. This can lead to resentment or feelings of intrusion.

5. Lack of Cooperation: In some cases, the other parents may not be willing to cooperate or take action to address the issue. They may have a different perspective on the situation, creating a deadlock in resolving the problem.

6. Child's Independence: As children grow, they must learn to navigate social challenges independently. Involving the parents too soon can hinder their conflict resolution and interpersonal skills development.

The resource for you and your daughter.

Supporting Your Daughter Through Friendship Challenges Toolkit.
1. Supporting Your Daughter Through Friendship Challenges:
A step-by-step guide for parents to understand and navigate their own reactions, validate their daughter's experiences, and provide effective support.

2. Parental Guidance Flowchart:
A flowchart to help parents decide whether to reach out to the parents of the other child when their daughter is facing difficulties, emphasizing thoughtful and respectful communication.

3. Flow of Friendship:
A tool tailored for younger girls to evaluate their friendships, encouraging self-reflection and a deeper understanding of the dynamics in their social circles.

4. Healthy Friendship vs. Unhealthy Friendship Quiz:
Specifically designed for older girls, this quiz prompts self-reflection on the qualities of positive and negative friendships, fostering awareness and promoting healthy choices.

5. Conflict Iceberg:
Dive beneath the surface of conflicts with the Conflict Iceberg tool. Explore the feelings and emotions that may be hidden below, providing a deeper understanding of the root causes of friendship challenges.

Download Toolkit Now


If you have a daughter in 5th to 8th grade who is dealing with all the challenges that girls face, I would love for her to be our guest in The Brave Girl Tribe on any Sunday at 7 pm EST/6 pm CST/ 4 pm PST. Schedule a Chat or email me, and I will send you the Zoom link.  

We also have a 50% off coupon for the first month's membership; use the code NEWFRIEND at checkout.


Parenting a teen girl is a journey of discovery and resilience. In the dance between support and independence, you're crafting a masterpiece of strength, compassion, and enduring connection.

Warmly,

Laura Hayes
Founder of The Brave Girl Project
Life Coach for Tween & Teen Girls
www.TheBraveGirlProject.com
[email protected]
www.Instagram.com/Thebravegirlproject

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