Conquering Back-To- School Worries

As August begins, I can't help but feel the back-to-school blues, even though I'm no longer a student or a school counselor. Now, I'm a parent supporting a high schooler, and it's time to get myself and my son back into the school routine.

Does back-to-school stress you out too?

Thankfully, my son has been working all summer and getting up early, so we aren't too far from our regular school routine. Another relief is that he no longer experiences the anxiety he used to have during elementary school. However, I know that many families and kids struggle with the anxiety that comes with the uncertainty and stress of starting a new school year.  I want to share some tips on how to support your child through the worry and anxiety that often accompanies the beginning of the school year.

Now, let's explore how worry works in our brains.

Worry is a natural part of our survival mechanism, helping us stay safe and react quickly in dangerous situations. It's the alarm that helps us jump back onto the sidewalk when a car fails to yield, helps us avoid a car accident when someone is in our blind spot or prevents our kids from touching a hot stove.

Our ancestors had a remarkable worry center housed in the amygdala, which kept them safe, allowing us to be here today. Though we no longer face saber tooth tigers, our amygdala remains wired as it was for our ancestors.

When your child worries about going back to school, and their thoughts become consumed with these worries, their amygdala perceives these concerns as threats, triggering the release of fight-or-flight hormones from the adrenals. This response can happen even when there is no real danger, causing unnecessary stress.

The worry center in our brains always seeks COMFORT and CERTAINTY; when it's lacking, it urges us to AVOID the situation. This is why school-related worries can feel even scarier for children at the beginning of the school year, as comfort and certainty are often in short supply during this time.

As a parent, you can teach your kids how worry works.

It is important to explain to your children that their brains have a worry center whose main job is to keep them safe.  

Their brain interprets safety as having comfort and certainty. When their environment or thoughts are focused on worry, the worry center switches off their thinking brain and activates the survival brain, putting them into fight or flight mode to ensure safety.

The worry center then wants to keep your child safe and tells them to avoid this danger, but when we avoid the discomfort and the uncertainty, the worry center thinks it has done a great job protecting your child. It then will react more quickly to things that are uncertain and uncomfortable.

What we need to help our kids learn is that we need to retrain our worry center by teaching it that we can tolerate discomfort and uncertainty. This helps our worry center start to learn that a worry about the school year isn't an emergency and that it doesn't have to put us into fight or flight mode.

We need to help our kids learn to tolerate uncertainty and discomfort and to expect worry to show up and try to convince them to avoid things.

If back to school is tough for your kids, start doing some exposure exercises where they will have to tolerate a little discomfort or uncertainty.

This can help your child retrain their worry center and help them get ready for school.

One effective technique for parents is to help their child externalize their worry by giving it a name. For instance, I've named my worry "Amy G" because it originates in the amygdala. Externalizing worry allows children to separate themselves from anxious thoughts and emotions. By treating worry as an external entity, they can engage in more constructive self-talk and gain a sense of control over their anxiety.

Then after your child or teen has named their worry, I want the two of you to brainstorm different activities that they could do to help them step into a little of the discomfort and uncertainty that they will experience at the beginning of the school year.

Here are some ideas:

• Going on a tour at the school
• Volunteering to help a teacher set up their classroom
• Making baked goods to take to the school to share with office staff or as teachers are setting up their classrooms
• Playing on the playground
• Practicing walking to school
• Getting together with friends they haven't seen in a while
• Doing an activity that requires some independence and being seen by others
• If your child has a hard time separating from you, look for ways for them to do things away from you or practice separating from you. This could be scheduling a playdate and dropping them off at their friend's house or going to a summer program with a friend.

To further support you and your child, I've developed "7 Keys To Solving The Worry Puzzle," based on Lynn Lyon's book "The Anxiety Audit." You can download this worry sheet to help your child address their worries about going back to school.

Explore Resources on The Brave Girl Project Website

Discover a variety of tools and resources tailored for you and your daughter on our course page at The Brave Girl Project website. Dive in to find additional support that could be instrumental in navigating back-to-school worries. Take a look and see what else might be helpful for you both! Click Here to access the course page.

Looking for extra support to help you and your daughter conquer the middle school journey?

 We're delighted to open ongoing enrollment for our "Survive and Thrive in Middle School" course, designed to equip both you and your daughter with essential skills for navigating these transformative years. This comprehensive course provides an array of resources to support your journey:

• Parent Resources, Videos & Tools:
• Support your daughter and build strong connections during middle school.
• Understand the realities your girls face and how to connect with them.
• Gain insights into teen brain development.
• Learn strategies to help manage worry and anxiety.
• Navigate the complexities of friendships and social hierarchies.
• Address friendship drama with our Parent's Toolkit.
• Empower your daughter to stand up against bullying and understand the boundaries she needs.
• Resources for Girls:
• Prepare for middle school with a focus on developing a positive mindset.
• Learn the essentials of being true to oneself.
• Discover key strategies for the first day and beyond.
• Navigate social situations effectively.
• Understand the dynamics of new friendships and recognize healthy vs. unhealthy relationships.
• Manage changing friendships and avoid the pitfalls of social comparison.
• Learn to distinguish between positive and negative popularity.
• Achieve academic success and adapt to new teachers and expectations.
• Additional Features:
• Practical lessons and interactive exercises designed to prepare your daughter for the exciting challenges of middle school.
• Tips from successful students and guidance on identifying personal learning styles.

We believe that with the right tools and knowledge, every girl can emerge from middle school as a confident and capable young woman. Join us in empowering our girls for a rewarding middle school experience! Don't miss out on this empowering opportunity – sign up now.

 Get Your Daughter Involved with The Brave Girl Tribe!

Is your daughter looking for a supportive community? Joining The Brave Girl Tribe is easy and rewarding! Simply click here to register your daughter as a guest for our next Sunday meeting. We'll send you all the details you need to get started and ensure her first experience is memorable. The Brave Girl Tribe provides middle school girls with group life coaching, allowing them to share their worries and get much-needed support from girls like them. I am there to guide them through every step.

Want to learn more or have specific questions? You're welcome to schedule a one-on-one chat with me. Let's discuss how The Brave Girl Tribe can enrich your daughter's life. Schedule your chat today and witness the positive impact of our community firsthand!

Warmly,
Laura Hayes
Founder of The Brave Girl Project
Life Coach for Tween & Teen Girls
www.TheBraveGirlProject.com
[email protected]Instagram
Facebook